A little rant...

So, I was introduced to a new blog today. It seems to be in the spotlight lately after making some rather negative remarks about Kate Upton. Not the negative remarks I am used to hearing about scantily clad Victoria's Secret models, but rather one I never thought I would hear. In this particular blog, Kate Upton was being called fat. You read that right...fat. F-A-T. What? Seriously?

I suppose I am sensitive to the topic because I have spent my whole life being called fat. And, for me, it's true. I acknowledge my weight problems, and am trying to overcome my dependence on food. I don't hide from that. It's a challenge I've been faced with since kindergarten. It was awful growing up overweight. Terrible. Nothing could bring me to tears faster than a skinny girl calling me fat. Or worse, a BOY calling me fat. I cried a lot. It happened too much. It has taken me years to overcome the harsh words my classmates threw at me, and to learn to love me for me.

Not that anyone is ever excused from causing someone else pain, but it isn't like these middle school bullies were wrong. I was big. I still am. But Kate Upton? No. No, she is not big. This blog even states that PARIS HILTON isn't looking all that skinny anymore. PARIS HILTON?!?! No way. If she is fat, than it is hopeless for me.

Here is what bothers me about this blog. It isn't so much the prominent opinion that skinny (and by skinny, the blogger is talking about less than 100 lbs) women are vastly more attractive. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I, for instance, happen to think curves are beautiful. It's when that opinion is turned into sharp knives that so brutally cut at another human, that I begin to have an issue with. It is hard enough to be a woman in this culture. Everywhere you turn there are new advertisements that tell us we aren't good enough. There are new beauty products introduced every day. Is it not bad enough that the world tells us to change? Do we really need to turn on each other too?

What gets me more than anything else: The writer is cowardly. She hides behind her blog making utterly painful statements about people who don't meet her expectations, but her name is never mentioned and her face is no where to be seen. She bashes everyone who is brave enough to be in the public eye, yet she conceals herself. She says she does it to maintain her professionalism with her real-life job - but, seriously? I think she is afraid. More than that, she is a bully. A bully too afraid to show her face. A bully so wrapped up in her 98 pound body, that she is afraid to let anyone know who she really is.

This is what I know: No matter our weight or size, our actions determine our character. We are all daughters of the King, and that makes us exquisite. Without a doubt, I would rather my daughter love a large woman with an abundance of character, than a skinny woman with a cold heart.

Oh nameless skinny-blogger, don't you see that you are causing more harm than good? Instead of encouraging woman, and especially young girls, to achieve healthy lives, you are trashing any small sense of confidence that they may have had. I know it is hard for you to see past the numbers on the scale, but if you could even for just a second, I pray you find beauty in yourself and not in your weight. You are capable of so much good. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made.

Part of my Journey

It's been awhile since I have posted anything, not because I have nothing to share but rather because I haven't had to motivation to share it.

After much contemplation this evening, I've decided it is time to share. It is time for me to invite you all on this journey with me; rather with us, as this is very much a journey for both my husband and I. Almost 3 weeks ago, I received a phone call from my OB/GYN letting me know that my blood work came back a little abnormal. My hormone levels were quite high, and they wanted me to have a CT scan to ensure my adrenal glands were working appropriately.

Cut to last Monday, I get the word that while my adrenal glands are top notch, I have 11 cysts on my ovaries. Combine that with my high insulin levels, irregular periods, fatigue, and high hormone levels and you have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). At first, I was relieved because that is definitely treatable. Then, they started talking about conception problems Berry and I could face. Suddenly the conversation went from cysts to fertility treatments. My brain went from fine to terrified in 3 seconds. All it took was for the phrase "potential infertility" to be mentioned once, and panic immediately overcame me. 

I'm waiting for another phone call from my doctor. A phone call to tell me the options Berry and I have for the future. In the mean time, we're doing what we can to help the situation ourselves. This is the part of the journey I want to share with you. We need your help. Being healthy isn't something Berry and I have found easy. For me, it's a lifetime of unhealthy habits that I have to break. For Berry, it's a perpetual sweet tooth and a love of convenience. Now, however, I feel we have no choice. All my life I've waited for the motivation I needed to get healthy and now I have it.

If Berry and I are to ever have any little McWhorters, I have to get healthy. The journey starts now. We've already begun to buy organic. Working out is starting to happen more and more. Every time I think of cheating, I visualize a little hand holding mine or Berry rocking our little girl to sleep. All of these things are desires of my heart, but they are impossible in the body I have. 

This blog will hopefully be my way of staying accountable. Knowing my friends and family are checking this to see progress adds a little fuel to the fire. Here's to the journey, right?